A new study from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign looked at how African American families deal with challenges their children face with friends and peers. Adolescence is a tough time for kids when it comes to social skills, and parents often try to help by giving advice. But it turns out, it matters if kids actually want advice or not.
The study focused on African American families from rural, low-income areas in the Southeastern U.S. Most of the families had an income under $50,000. The kids in the study were about 12 years old and just starting middle school.
The researchers gave kids some scenarios, like inviting friends to a birthday party or joining a club, and asked how they would react. They also asked parents what advice they would give for situations like peer exclusion, meeting new friends, or trouble fitting in. The advice focused on cognitive restructuring, which means helping the child see things in a more positive or less threatening way. For example, if a child has a conflict with a peer, the parent might suggest thinking the other person is just having a bad day, instead of being mean on purpose.
The study didn’t find that parental advice directly changed how the kids saw social situations. However, if the kids asked for advice, detailed and specific advice from parents helped them view situations more positively.
For many kids, middle school can be a stressful time as they worry about fitting in. If kids want help, detailed advice from parents can help them feel more confident about how to deal with challenges. But if kids don’t want advice, it won’t have much of an effect on them.
The study also found that giving advice when the child doesn’t want it doesn’t seem to cause harm. But if kids were looking for advice and didn’t get it, they were more likely to see social situations negatively.
The researchers suggest that parents should pay attention to whether their kids actually want advice. It’s important to listen and ask how they can help. If the kids want advice, it should be specific and help them think about the situation in a positive way.
This research gives a better understanding of how Black families deal with peer challenges, which hasn’t been studied much before. It helps break down stereotypes about low-income Black families and their parenting.
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